Hello there! It’s me, the Republican mayor of our post-apocalyptic tent village, here with some bad news: The world is over. No, not like last time (nuclear war). Or the time before that (unprecedented climate change). Or even the time before that (pandemic). Sure, we lost most major cities to the nukes, and yes, the survivors had to move inland when fire and flood devoured the coasts, and, granted, the radioactive coronavirus that turns you into a flesh-eating mutant was a bummer, but we bounced back. It’s what makes this country (collection of tent villages menaced by mutants) great.

This one’s a meteor. We’re not going to bounce back from that.
It’s time, friends: Time to hug your kids, forgive your enemies, decide whether or not you believe in God. It’s time to get clear on what really matters and what we should spend time thinking about, in these precious last moments on Earth. I refer, of course, to pronouns.

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