Tiptoeing around your children can be extremely stressful as a parent, and when you constantly feel as if you’re treading on eggshells around them, it can be hard to know what to do for the best.

While being considerate of your children is something that all parents want to achieve, there is a huge difference between that, and being fearful of how your children will react to a certain situation or request, and can leave you feeling as if your children are always in control.

Being afraid to ask them to perform a reasonable task typically has two effects: primary and secondary. The primary effect involves the parent purposely tiptoeing around the children and giving in to their desires or demands in order to prevent a tantrum – especially in a public place – while the secondary effect involves the parent not going to that public place simply because of how they believe the children will react. Neither effect is positive, and both need to be addressed if you’re ever to stop treading on eggshells around your children.

Let’s look at what you can do, or not do, to regain control of your children and help your children deal with situations in a way that is easier and less stressful for everyone involved:

Set loving, firm limits to help your children:

When your children sense that they have power over you, and can control you with their behavioural responses to get exactly what they want, when they want it, your need to tread on eggshells around them, intensifies. Instead, try to set loving, firm limits and help your children build the skills to solve their problems in a more appropriate, manageable manner.

What you don’t want to encourage, are children who have learned that their parents will take on a submissive role, simply to prevent them from acting out. When this happens, before you know it, they’ve assigned roles to everyone in the family and each family member conforms so that they don’t have to deal with wayward behaviour. It might be seen as taking the easy route, but in the long run, it will only make things harder and your children will struggle to unlearn these behavioural patterns.

How can you stop treading on eggshells around your children?

What your children are learning when you tiptoe around them, and as soon as you give in to their signals that they don’t want to do something, is that their behaviour gets them what they want. Instead, look out for the signals, read them and alter how you interact with them.

Not giving in to their demands involves being consistently clear and firm with your expectations, even when their behavioural response begins to escalate. This may not be easy, but there are a few techniques that can help, such as empathising with their feelings or giving them time to calm down.

Treading on eggshells around your children isn’t healthy for either party, and while it can be easy to get into a pattern of giving in to their demands to prevent an angry reaction, each time you do, you’ll find it increasingly hard to change their behaviour as they get older.

As with many issues surrounding raising children, understanding and responding appropriately using kind and firm limits – early and at a young age – is the most effective way of achieving a more fulfilling and loving relationship between children and their parent(s), and while taking shortcuts or giving in can be tempting, persistence and consistency, are key.

At Full Circle Hypnotherapy, we help mums who are at their wits end because their children refuse to listen to them and are constantly having melt downs. Often mums are also filled with feelings of failure, guilt and shame. Our hypnotherapists in Manchester have two decades worth of experience in working with parents and guiding with parenting responsibilities.