The key to managing your child’s outbursts of anger and frustration, is to understand them, but this is easier said than done. Generated by a variety of things, the triggers of a tantrum or meltdown aren’t always easy to identify, and can stem from a range of emotions, such as fear and frustration, or even sensory overload.

What can be helpful, however, is to try and see the tantrum or outburst as your child’s reaction to a situation they’re not able to deal with in a more mature, adult way; because they’re a child, right? Whether they’re being asked to do something they don’t want to, are being reprimanded for something, or are even facing a decision they find difficult to make, children often let their emotions take over and respond in a dramatic manner that typically garners attention from whoever is in charge at the time.

Reactions often include crying, shouting and lashing out at others around them, and when these types of behaviours result in the child getting their own way, why wouldn’t they repeat it the next time they’re asked to do something they don’t want to?

That said, tantrums and outbursts of anger or frustration from your child may not always be intentional, but they are a learned response, and the key to helping prevent such responses from your child in the future, is to have them unlearn them. Teaching them that there are other ways to deal with a difficult or upsetting situation is the most effective way to achieve this, and can include such things as compromise, or complying with an instruction or request in return for a positive reward.

So, what steps can you take as a parent to help prevent tantrums and meltdowns from your child?

Firstly, assess the circumstances and triggers surrounding your child’s tantrums:

When you take the time to try and understand what might be triggering your child’s unwanted behaviour, often there is a problem – or problems – that require attention, such as an experience that traumatized them, social anxiety, ADHD, a learning disorder, or even abuse or neglect. While tantrums might be part and parcel of dealing with younger children such as toddlers, if your child is continuing to display such outbursts beyond this age, it could be a sign that something else is going on that they’re not able to deal with.

Having the self-discipline to not throw themselves on the ground and bawl and wail until they get what they want, may be asking too much of them if they’re struggling to make the transition from something they find pleasurable, to something that makes them uncomfortable or which is difficult for them to do. With a lot of children, simple triggers such as being told that it’s bedtime can cause them to have a meltdown, and for children suffering from conditions like ADHD, swapping something that they enjoy doing for something they don’t, can prove too much for them to cope with.

Then, understand how or why something becomes a learned behaviour:

Children may not have the emotional maturity that adults have, but there’s no question that they’re smart! A child will quickly learn that when they have a full-on meltdown in public, such as in the supermarket, it leads to them getting what they want, and while nobody can blame parents for wanting to stop the tantrum and save their embarrassment, responding to it in such a way serves only to exacerbate the problem.

Eliminating or altering typical tantrum triggers is one way of dealing with the problem, but there may also be ways that as parents and caregivers, we can change our behaviour and responses to defuse the situation and ultimately, prevent a tantrum or meltdown. Giving a child ample warning of something happening that they may not like, or of them being asked to do something they typically don’t enjoy, can help, just as trying to structure such things to reduce their negative behavioural response, can also work.

Having an acute awareness of what triggers a tantrum, anticipating it, and modifying it so that your child can get some enjoyment from it, is the end goal, and is absolutely achievable, provided you’re prepared to be (very!) patient and (very!) understanding.

At Full Circle Hypnotherapy, we help mums who are at their wits end because their children refuse to listen to them and are constantly having melt downs. Often mums are also filled with feelings of failure, guilt and shame. Our hypnotherapists in Manchester have two decades worth of experience in working with parents and guiding with parenting responsibilities.